A good TBI story

[Ric J]

As I search, find and read many websites concerning issues or interests that I am involved with (not just traumatic brain injuries) it amazes me to hear other people only talking about hard luck problems. As a TBI survivor myself, I know how much time & effort it takes to recover; how many people we needed and still need to help us recover; how we may lack the passion we had before; trying tips and tricks from others; how many times we think “why me”; how we wish we could get back to our old-selves. Do I wish I didn’t have a traumatic brain injury? Oh yeah. Do I still have good days and bad days? Yes I do. Is my recovery complete? I certainly hope not. Why? Because I’m not at 100% and will probably never be the old me again. But being a pessimist and thinking in the past is the same as thinking that my life is a glass half-empty.  Being an optimist, thinking positive thoughts’, volunteering to help other survivors go through the same thing that I went through, tells me that my life is a glass half-full. So, let me tell you a story.

A person I know, but only very (very) informally, saw me sitting in a local coffee shop and asked to share my table. Sure, I said, grateful to do something other then just sitting by myself. As we started talking she mentioned that one of her co-workers child was in a car accident and is now in a hospital, in a coma, and the doctors are not giving her much hope. I told her, that I was in coma for 3 weeks and I came though it, so tell your co-worker to keep the faith. She looked very puzzled and said “when were you in a coma”?  I said “just over 6 years now, remember?” To which she said “we didn’t know each other until maybe 8 months ago”. I then had to tell her “about my injury and recovery”. Even though I really didn’t want to, I knew I had too.  I thought our meeting would only be the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee, but it turned into 1 ½ hours. When we first started talked, I really thought we had known each other for many years, I guess my memory still has a way to go.

That evening she called me at home and asked if I could talk with her co-worker and family at the hospital. Her co-workers son did receive a brain injury and a bone needed to be removed from his skull to relieve the swelling.  The next afternoon I met the family at the hospital. I was there for nearly 3 hours, informing them about my injury, my surgeries (including having a bone removed from my skull), my therapy, and the first year of my recovery. I told tell them that I don’t remember anything about that first month: being in a coma; remembering my family sitting next to me, talking to me, playing my favorite songs and TV shows … nothing at all, even “waking up”. But that I do remember the next two months, in two different hospitals, countless hours in therapy and most importantly going back home. I talked about my family and the toll it took on them; the surgery to have my bone put back in; my family driving me to even more countless hours of therapy and doctor appointments. I told them that I may look the same as any other person but I’m not 100% recovered; that I have problems with speech, memories and balance; that there are good and bad days. I also told them that since each person is individual each injury is individual, so doctors really can’t tell them what to expect day to day, month to month, year to year; but that they should read books concerning brain injuries; that they should go online to read this and other TBI forums; find local support groups. But most importantly I gave them hope that their son, brother, nephew can recover. He is now out of the coma and is living in a rehab hospital.

I’m now telling you that my helping survivors and their families is (in my humble opinion) more important then my injury. My injury happened 6 years and 5 months ago and everything I do, small or large, is part of my healing/recovery process and as long as I don’t get hung up on the past my healing/recovery process will progress. Since you are now reading my story and this forum, your healing/recovery process is still progressing as well. We also know that: our injury is nothing to be ashamed of; most days will be good days; non-survivors have no idea what a traumatic brain injury means and it’s up to us to inform them. As the song said “you have to admit it’s getting better it’s getting better all the time”. So, fellow survivors, “let’s celebrate ourselves”.

[wendyt]

Thank you Ric. My husband, Marco was in a motorcycle accident 15 months ago and not surprisingly is still recovering. I am with you- I choose to approach this experience, as difficult, tiring and horrible as it is with a glass half full approach. I refuse to feel sorry for myself as the wife of a TBI recoverer despite all the strain it puts on me and us. Instead I rejoice in our ability to be there for others. We still are spending most of our energy on Marco's recovery but I know that even that process itself inspires people in our lives. Before his accident our lives were too full (of what I dont know!) to spend as much time as we wanted to give. Now we have had to slow down we have the opportunity to spend more time with each other and others and we both look forward to many opportunities to give back.

I tell Marco every day what a hero he is for his strength and determination and I say the same to all of you and myself! Wendy

[scmom]

  Well said!  It has been five months since my sixteen year old daughter's accident that left her in a coma for over 3 weeks and hospitalized for seven weeks. She came home in a wheelchair, still healing from multiple severe fractures and other injuries in addition to her TBI, with a short term memory/recall of only 5 to 10 minutes! Yes there have been countless hours of sadness and dispair. Faith has been our saving grace.
 Just today, I picked her up from an overnight high school band field trip! Just one month ago, I never would have believed she could attend solo let alone play the clarinet again. A recent essay she wrote for school explained that her accident has forever changed her but she would not let it define who she is. We too have realized that the best approach to her healing is a positive attitude, the human spirit is truely amazing.  Is she completely recovered?  No.  Is she just like she was before the accident?  No.  But she is a remarkable young lady that has touched a lot of people in a inspirational way both before and after her accident and choses to live life. She is still in Speech, occupational and physical therapy. We know this this is a long recovery process and relish each new acheivement.     
 Since her TBI, we have noticed our path continues to cross others in similiar situations and believe it helps us in our recovery to share her story and perhaps help them with their healing as well. So, Ric yes, your personal experiences and insights with regards to your TBI definitely are what others need and welcome especially early in the recovery process.  I know your words were inspirational to our family when we first logged on to this site! Thank you!

[donnyw]

Hello scmom! I'm sorry to hear about your daughter but from what i know after you have received a TBI there is no such thing as complete recored TBI person out there because once the brain is damage there is no fixing it.... but  there is a way to re-bridge the brain and thats by getting an MRI or CAT scan to see what part of the brain was damage and then the doctors will be able to subcribe her some medsciation so that brain will start firing to the right cells

does that help any?

[karaoops]

I have to admit that this made me cry.  I am 5 almost 6 months into TBI.  I had the craniectomy and the cranioplasty.  The bone flap surgeries.   I do  miss the old me.  I keep saying that I am still trying to get used to the new version of me,  I say I am Kara 2.0.  I am 31 years old and sometimes feel like I am going on 91 years old. 

I have my sense of humor about some things, but then some days I just feel so defeated.

It's a process I know.  Thank you for sharing your story.

  Kara

[Ric J]

Morning Kara and others,
thanks for all the reply messages. Healing and recovery is, as a great 20th century poet said, "a long strange trip". Which means that on our bad days maybe we do have to ask somebody for help or to assist us... but that does not make us weak. Maybe we are having a great day, but still need some assistance, it still does not make us weaker or pitiful just different then we were before. And that's all, just different. When I have a chore or two outside (shopping), I write a list of things I have to do/buy/get. I can drive, but if it's somewhere I don't get to all the time, I look at a map and write down directions.  I create things-to-do lists, and read them everyday. My injury happened in October 2003 when I was 53, I am now 60 years old and my injury is now 77 months old. When I am going to do something I haven't been before, I not really scared about it, but I do think about it first so I'm ready when I start. I do have a problem with balance, so when I'm walking up & down steps I really watch my steps. Making sure I don't misstep and fall. Do I miss the "old" person I was before? Maybe, but I can't & won't get hung up on my past. I have to (and do) like the "new" me and make my future more important then my past. Yes it is hard not to miss the old you. But I really really do think that the most important thing is to believe in yourself.